It started out innocent enough -- all I wanted was a soup and salad. Soup was Tom Yum Goong, a classic with lemongrass, mushroom, and shrimp; salad was Yum Ma-Keur (with eggplant, chicken, onion, and bird's eye chili). My first few bites and slurps were hot, but nothing out of the ordinary. I was sweating and turning red, but that's typical. But when I started crying and seeing strange colors, I knew something was up.

I began to gulp some beer down (Dogfish Head 90 Minute IPA, thank you very much) to cut the spice, but nothing helped. I walked around the room, took my shirt off, drank some milk (not necessarily in that order), finally ending up on the couch with my pants half down. That's when I gave up and just let the waves hit me. There were some pleasant moments in there, but it was mostly horrible. I just sat there, staring straight ahead, babbling and wiping my forehead. Finally, after about twenty minutes, I started to relax enough to have seconds.