The fortune cookie that says: You will be surrounded by friends and family, always used to come true, until I started ordering takeout while playing video games alone.

So, my ex boyfriend, one of the grouchiest people ever, me and two other friends went out to a local Chinese restaurant for dinner. The waiter told us he could hook us up with some dirty fortune cookies. I guess he thought we looked like a naughty bunch. Everyone opened the cookies and we went around the table reading our fortunes. The first 3 all said things like: You will receive good head tonight, You give wonderful head, You will orgasm multiple times in the near future. My ex goes to open his: Go fuck yourself. The cookie really said that!