Pop quiz, hotshot! When you're mailing a letter, what do you need? Right, paper. Yes, pen. Absolutely, an envelope. Sure, scissors, glue and a newspaper if you're demanding some sort of ransom. Ok, a sample of anthrax, if you're of Middle Eastern descent. You know what? That's enough joke answers, smartass, I'm trying to teach you something here. Now pay attention, because you forgot one very important thing. That letter ain't going anywhere without a stamp! But before you can use that stamp, you're going to have to know something about it and it's history! So sit back, relax, and feel your brain fill up! With Knowledge!
(Note: Stamp usage is possible without knowing the history of stamps or reading this article. But it is not recommended)
–Often believed to be invented around 150 years ago, stamps have actually existed since the dawn of time! It is believed that stamps were first used by single-celled organisms to send electronic signals to each other relatively cheaply and quickly!
–As organisms developed over billions of years, so did stamps! Prehistoric wolves evolved their own stamps and zip codes to clearly define their hunting territory and send pre-approved credit offers to each other!
–The first recorded use of human stamp usage comes from caves in Turin, Italy, where some old mail was found sitting around encased in stone, apparently left there by former caveman roommates who moved out without changing their address with the Caveman Postal Service! The stamps were the commemorative 1997 Raoul Wallenberg issue!
–Today, the technical term for a stamp collector is a "Dweeb!"
–According to the American Philatelic Society's “Just for Kids” web page, “Through STAMP COLLECTING you can venture back in time to the Old West, rocket into outerspace, sail the open seas with the explorers, meet famous people, or learn about customs, history, landmarks, animals, or plants from around the world. It is a wonderful hobby that is FUN!” In reality, Stamp Collecting is much much more tedious than they describe it!
–In 1992, Stamp history was made, as the US Postal Sevice allowed people to vote between two versions of a stamp: Old Frankenstein and Young Frankenstein! Old Frankenstein narrowly won, proving once again that, like mom used to say, “it's as broad as it is long!”
–After many years of stamps that had to be licked to get them to stick, the US Postal Service test-marketed new flavors of stamps! Shrimp, Apple, and Genitalia flavors were all tried until the Postal Service they settled on the “Self-Adhesive Glue” flavor used today!
–By tradition, Persons only receive the tribute of being placed on a stamp after they are deceased! An exception was made in 2000 with the release of the Wile E. Coyote and Roadrunner stamp! It is commonly known that the Roadrunner is unkillable!
–The most expensive stamp in history, the “Inverted Jenny,” depicts an upside down airplane! Released in 1918, most people think that the stamp is valuable due to a printing error! In reality, the stamp depicts the May 17, 1917 crash of a Curtiss JN-4 “Jenny,” airmail plane! The plane, flown by a disgruntled postal employee flew upside down into a crowd of people waiting in line for phosphate, killing 35! The stamp is valuable because it is made from pure crystal cocaine!
–After World War I, Germany's currency was so undervalued that it soon became pointless to use stamps, as there weren't enough stamps in the country to cover the cost of mailing one letter! Instead, the German government assigned monetary value to various cuts of meat and letters were sent attached to them! A quarter pound of sauerbraten was good for letters within one's province, while a pound of schnitzel could get a letter anywhere in the country! During this time, butchers became defacto postmasters and were able to issue passports and money orders--made from meat, of course!
–Today, stamps range in value from one penny to 15 million dollars! The most expensive denomination is used by the government to mail samples of Hassium, the heaviest element!
–Technology is in the works to implant tiny microchips in stamps in order to enable the Government to track mailed letters, stop counterfeiting, and keep tabs on unpatriotic elements in our society!
